I read somebody's post abt Jealousy and I couldn't agree more. Well, I should know. I am so sorry for being the selfish bitch that I was. Jealousy could very well kill what was once strong and close to us. Somebody msged me one day, "Nad, what happens when your gd friend has a crush on someone you like?" Or something like that... I can't really recall the exact words.

And I replied, "All hell breaks loose." Now that's not a pleasant thing, is it? Jealousy is a horrible disease. It eats you up inside. It hurts, it's painful and it can make you go crazy. Really; mentally. Who would hv thought tt it would happen to me too. It bothered me so much that I couldn't sleep the whole night. The whole night.

Why? I was angry. Angry at myself, angry at him, angry at us, angry at everything. Now my eyes are sore and I could barely open em. I am so lethargic and I am not at my best mood today. I pissed ppl off cos they pissed me off. But you see, I can't do tt. Today is suppose to be a happy occasion for me, Ydah and Shirley so I hv to put on a happy face just so I could make the best out of this day. Only for Shirley...

But oh God, how much it hurts inside. You hurt me bad. You hurt me really bad. Up to tt point, I knew tt I don't mean a thing to you and hence, this drastic move. For my own gd, for you and for those close to us too. It may seem unclear now as I don't hv the desire to talk abt it. At least, not right now. So I apologise. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. But just don't ask me why...

I'm gonna do what I used to do (back in those days) when I feel tt we can't go on. As of today, I don't know you and we've never met. Let's just leave it at that, okay? It was great while it lasted. That... I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I really don't wanna do this and it's hard for me but you see, I got no other choice and this is prob the best thing to do right now. I'm sorry.

You may not be able to read this and I know it'll prob leave you confused but what the hell. Who cares? I know you don't so why should I, right? This should hv been done a long time ago but only now it seems clear to me. I dragged myself into this mess and now I'm picking myself up to leave it. I don't know what you'll think of me but I wish you all the best anyways. I want so much to remain friends with you but circumstances just don't allow it. Or rather, I won't allow it.

Hey, it's no big deal. You're not losing out on anything. I was just a stranger whom you befriend with and later made a fool of. So to end the story, I'm "dumping" you. Yah lah, I'm a nobody. Who am I to you? Nobody. Whether or not I'm here, it doesn't make a difference so to hell with all this load of crap.

I hv been an idiot. The BIGGEST idiot and you... you're a sickening moron. I feel like slapping you. For crying out loud, who was I trying to kid?! My ear-drums are swollen from all those "swweeeettt" words tt come out from your mouth. You're disgustingly sick that you make me sick. Call me immature, whatever, I just don't wanna hv anything to do with you anymore.

Sometimes I dunno what's really going on in my head. Prob it's because of my past. It will always haunt me and you can't blame me if I despise species of your kind.

This has been a month of sorrow and today marks the end of this painful phase. So long my friend, my "sweetheart", my "dear"...

So long.




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