Actually being single is not at all that bad. It's pretty cool actually. You live your own life by your own rules. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whoever you want. You can hang out with lotsa guys and it'll still be ok.

It's fun. Of couse a part of me says I want one but another deviant part of me says, NO. Why should I? I'm independant, I can earn my own ka-chings, I can afford whatever I want - I don't need guys to provide me with anything and I still can survive on my own. So what's the big deal about a having a guy? What can he do for me?

We're plagued by this traditional mentality that men should provide us with money and what nots but nowadays, we have all the kucing kuraps (as my dad has nicely put it; meaning useless fellas) happily-happily use our money. Instead of earning a decent living, they're living off us. They're SO many of them out there and I dun wanna take the risk. What if I end up with one? Might as well be single right? And then what if in the end it doesn't work out? Oh sheesh, spare me all the heartaches and inconveniences. Like it is not sore enough already.

But of course it is not a crime to love and care for that someone. It's human nature to fall for someone and harbour feelings for someone but I think for me... I'm afraid of commitment. I'm unable to adapt to that. Maybe I'm just not that ready yet. I swear I'll panic, I KNOW I'll panic.

Alot of times I caught myself saying, "Oh shit! He likes me? Be my bf? Huh? Oh shit! How?! How?! How?! What now? No no no no no... oh no." And then I'll pick up the phone and dial Ydah's number.

Hahah. What a comedy.



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