Your Pimp Name Is...


Silky Slick
What's Your Pimp Name?

Heheh. Now that's funny.

Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating


You're not ready to go walking down the aisle.
But you may be ready in a couple of years.
You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment.
And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.
What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Ooo... that is so true. But maybe right now this is not the thing for me. Yes, I know there is that fear but I just can't get over it. Fear that he will harm me. Fear that he will hurt me. Not emotionally but............. physically. I'm scared and that's the truth. Although I've put the past behind me, I know I can't deny the fact that it has affected me somehow.

Emotional pain is not a prob for me. I know I'm strong enuf to withstand it and I know myself well that I can handle it. It's nothing to me. I don't give a shit about it cos I know I can get over it sooner or later.

But physical... is different. The scars remain whether visible or not. And the fear it develops grow within you w/o you realising it. And before I know it, I have shunned so many out of my life.

What happened 11 years ago will somehow still remain in the nook of my mind. I thought I was over it, I really did. But I finally realised why I would freak out with strangers, why I would get strangely uncomfortable with men. Because I dunno them that well, and I dun wanna pursue anything with someone I've barely met. It's hard for me to trust again.

I sat down, I thought about it, I pondered and I finally got it. And again, it all came down to what happened that very day. I was frustrated that that was the reason but things happen. I was lucky given my situation but I saw "things" I wasn't suppose to see at a young age and it terrified me.

And even after 11 years, the fear didn't succumb and grew sort-of secretly. And the worst part is that, I don't even know about it! Unconsciously, it had affected me.

And that's the reason why I didn't give anybody who freaks me out a chance. I dunno if I'll ever give anybody a chance. That's why for me, I will only feel comfortable with a friend, someone whom I'd known for years... but often enough... friends is as far as it goes.

And I'm tired of it.

I don't expect anyone to understand and I don't need any sympathy becos I know there are many who have suffered worse than me. Because I finally understood why it bothered me so much I just needed to let it out. It has something to do with psychology. The way the sub-conscious mind thinks and react to certain vivid incidents tt happened in our lives.

But I'm thankful that I've got a strong will to move on still. I just have to not let it affect it. There you go, my questions are finally answered.



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