I dunno how long I can hold on being like this. Everyday I try to be optimistic and try to breeze thru the day. But it's beginning to take its toll on me. Deep down, I'm tired. I hate the job but I love the money. How? Honestly, I dread coming to work. Not only do I hv to wake up damn freaking early every single day, but there's also shit to deal with in the office.

I hv to stay. I hv yet to sort out my thoughts on what I wanna do so I hv to stay. Whether I like it or not. I still dunno what I wanna do, what I wanna learn, what I wanna be. I absolutely loathe the idea of having to stay here for long and do something which I know I shouldn't be doing.

Maybe I'm reckless. Maybe I'm hasty in my decisions. But I haven't discover what I really wanna do. I think I hv an idea but I dunno where to start. I dun wanna work my butt off and lead a miserable, sad, sorry life and then feeling sorry for myself. I wanna work my butt off and enjoy doin it and be happy. That's my goal.

Oh you know what... I think I'm going insane here. Oh wait... I am insane. Ooohhhh bummer.



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