I dunno what's gotten into me yesterday but I was - yet again- at my lowest low. Thoughts of it just ran through my mind and I got all teary. Was lost in my own thoughts I guess... Felt so low that I just couldn't control my emotions no more. It was the criticisms that left me in tears.

I felt like I was such a disappointment. Voices in my head kept on repeating over and over again, "I am such a disappointment. I am such a disappointment. I am such a disappointment..." Over and over again. Till I just broke down. Do you know how terrible I feel inside? Does anybody understands the crap I'm going through? At this point, I don't think anybody does. The heart is left vacant for that bitterness feeling to tear me apart. It's just waiting to do so.

It's hard to explain. This so-called feeling that I'm feeling right now makes you feel like giving up... makes you feel like shit... makes you feel vulnerable. You just wanna cry because it's the only way you can let it all out temporarily. But you know it will permanently stay.

I guess the ppl ard me helps keep it off my mind. Thankful for that. At least, they keep me distracted. I wish I could do sth abt it. Helpless. I know it'll prob linger for awhile and I hate that stupid feeling. It's a sensitive issue and I know if I were to talk abt it, I'll just cry. All the anger and frustration but I can't vent it. I could rant all abt it in my blog but even tt is not helping much. I dunno where else to go to but my stupid idiotic blog. It has happened many many times and I'm really tired. I just dun understand. Why can't they just bloody hell stop it?

Maybe to them I am insensitive so they can just say whatever they wanna say. I dun give a shit if it was anybody else but coming from them... it just plainly hurts. They should've known me better but I guess I can't blame them. I am a loner; have always been. I think I've mentioned somewhr tt I feel like a stranger in that house.

I still feel that way sometimes.



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