It has finally happened. You made that decision and so you will have to face the consequences. Sooner or later. The pain is unbearable yes, but you have gotta be strong for the sake of your kids. They need you. I know you feel that nobody understands the pain inside but I do; and if you ever need help I'll always be there for you.

I was shocked to learn that the kids know so much... even the little one. "Bila Akil dah besar, Akil will beat ayah." You know how I felt when I heard that? I just wanted to give him one big hug right there and then. And he's only 3 years old mind you. "Ibu cry..." he said. You're lucky you have kids who will always be by your side to love you and take care of you. Yes they may still be young but they're not exactly dumb and oblivious to what is going on in the house. They know...

I feel for the kids. I wish I could just take them all into my arms and look after them. At least they know that there are others who love them as much. "Ayah tak sayang Akil, Akil tak sayang ayah lah." The pain, the hatred budding in a little boy's young innocent heart.

He's even started calling my father "Bapak". At that point, silence just waved upon us and everybody just looked down at their chicken rice while he was laughing and enjoying his food.

I told him, "Akil dah besar, Akil must always be there for Ibu ok. Akil must take care of Ibu ok." And he nodded dutifully and proudly. And even tho he's only 3, I know he understood what I meant and I know he will do it.

I pray for the better. I know she's at the brink of breaking down. I just hope she don't give up on them. Just please don't do anything stupid. Please.



. .