Lately I haven't been myself. Either I'm too upset or I'm too happy or I'm too tired or I'm too pissed off or I'm too sensitive. A lil bit too much of "toos" is doing me bad ey. I can't help feeling this way becoz of the situations I was in. I, myself dunno what's wrong with me. I used to know how to control my emotions but now... I rather let it wave over me.

I've adopted the "Ah, whatever lah" attitude these days. And it's not healthy. You know you're unhappy and you THINK you can just forget about it but actually, you've let yourself succumb to it and that explains the upset and moodless feeling. If you can forget about it, you simply don't THINK. But the fact that you did, just shows how vulnerable you are. That's me, the Idiot, over there. A living proof of idiocy.

Sometimes I wonder how I manage to do it when I myself have so much insecurities within me. It's like a hidden agenda. Occasionally it will murder me. With the help of some ppl. Why can't they just leave me alone? I wonder...

Sometimes I wonder why is it that when they need me, I will gladly oblige but when I need them, they just seem to evaporate into thin air?

Sometimes I wonder how is it that for a moment, they can suddenly find me useful and then the next moment, I am conveniently forgotten?

I'm not mentioning any names in particular but if you happen to feel the pinch, then I guess it must've been you.

Anyway, I wouldn't care anymore. Time for me to settle for contentment and claim my long overdued moment of bliss. In my sleep, that is.



. .